|
Post by grinch on May 9, 2021 14:50:01 GMT
The Judoons looked at each other and shrugged before blasting the Doctor(s) in the shoulders causing them to fall to the ground in pain.
Frobisher, with both Masters in a headlock, looked over at Clara.
“Gee, got any more bright ideas?” he grumbled.
|
|
|
Post by timegirl on May 9, 2021 14:55:28 GMT
“Maybe if we all sing together!” Clara shouted in desperation.
The entire rescue party began to the Judoon lullaby including injured 12 and Sixie and wee Jago.
Somehow it worked!
All the Judoon fell like dominoes!
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 9, 2021 15:05:00 GMT
A still slightly drunk Panda tottered forward and looked at the bodies around him.
“Talk about murdering the tune” he said and then hiccuped.
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 9, 2021 15:13:51 GMT
Before they had a chance to take in their victory, the sky was suddenly swarming with Shadow Proclamation ships. They surrounded the group and aimed spotlights at each of them.
“STAY WHERE YOU ARE. YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST.” boomed a loud voice over the intercom.
“Oh good, the Calvary’s arrived.” grinned Missy.
“ANY ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE WILL RESULT IN YOUR IMMEDIATE OBLITERATION.” droned the Voice.
|
|
|
Post by timegirl on May 9, 2021 15:25:16 GMT
“Everyone come towards me.”12 said. Hesitantly everyone including the two Masters gathered towards 12.
12’s TARDIS materialized around them and they were off!
|
|
|
Post by fitzoliverj on May 9, 2021 16:34:09 GMT
Strax materialised on a space station.
Pleased, he inspected the invitation. A piece of card that can transport you from one universe to another could be useful. He was disappointed, therefore, when it crumbled away.
Strax approached the welcome desk, and demanded to know where he was.
A tired-looking creature informed him that he had arrived at the Shadow Proclomation's legal complex at space station Camera, and that he should report to the relevant courtroom.
"I have been... sub-poened," said Strax with some irritation, "to attend the trial of Leelandredloomsagwinaechegesima of Redlooms Deeptree, aka Leela of the Sevateem, for the murder of a Judoon operative in the execution of his duty. I presume I am to act as her second in trial by combat?"
The creature checked its files. "No, you have been summoned to act as an expert witness on the role of warrior in modern society and its legal implications."
Strax preened. In this universe, he was rarely thought of as a warrior.
"Go to room 21X4," the creature instructed him, "and report to the head of Leela's legal team... somebody called Nardole. You'll be called when Inquistor Darkel is ready to sit, but that may be some time."
"Oh, why?"
"The Time Lord known as the Doctor-"
"Ah, I know him!" interrupted Strax.
"The Time Lord known as the Doctor," repeated the creature irritably, "has run off with the accused and most of the witnesses. We have had to pull his assistant - this Nardole character - from the future to make the necessayr arrangements while the Doctor is sought."
"I know little of legal strategems," conceded Strax, "but this seems of less efficiency than a good trial by combat. Nevertheless, I will attend this room."
He stumped off, and, having found the room, entered.
It was a sort of drab sitting-room, in which he found three figures. Two - an old woman and a teddy bear - turned to see him enter, without enthusiasm.
"Eee, I were almost certain that would be the Doctor now," Iris complained. "Ooh, I'll have a few words with 'im when I catch up with 'im. Fancy running off like that, taking the Master and the other Doctor and that Clara chit with him, and leavin' me and poor little Panda behind."
"Less of the 'poor little Panda'," Panda complained. "But you're right. it's all very well grabbing everybody on the scene, but what about the rest of us? Run into a bush and he forgets you exist. Who are you, anyway?"
"I am Strax the Mighty," Strax announced.
"I've got 'Strax the Nurse' on my list," called the third figure, a short bald man.
"That's me, I suppose," Strax grumbled. "How long do we have to wait?"
Nardole shrugged. "I dunno. An hour? A year? How long's a Kessel run? You know the Doctor, he'll turn up when he wants to."
Strax was not impressed. "But what will we do in the interim?"
"I've had a few ideas about that," Panda muttered, examining the refreshments.
"A Sontaran warrior," Strax continued, "does not just sit and wait.... unless we're sitting and waiting for a battle to begin, that is," he conceded. "The Rutan have a disreputable habit of tardiness."
"It'll be a battle alright," Nardole said. Then, spotting Strax's enthusiastic reaction, made sure to say, "metaphorically speaking."
Strax glowered.
"You'll never guess who the prosecutor's gonna be," Nardole continued.
Strax tried furioiusly to remember whether any courtroom sagas had featuerd in the Doctor's long lives. He looked up. "Oh, dear," he said.
"Too bloody right," Iris replied.
|
|
|
Post by timegirl on May 9, 2021 16:51:20 GMT
Suddenly 12’s TARDIS appeared in the Shadow Proclamation head quarters . First stepped Leela who was wearing a pink dress that was far too frilly, and and then slowly the rest of the part stepped out of the door all wearing matching pink evening dresses and tuxedos. Until finally 12, wearing a sexy partially unbuttoned white tuxedo came out carrying Clara who was wearing a glittery white wedding dress and carrying her flowers (which were glowing) in one hand and a champagne bottle in the other.
Clara threw her flowers to Strax.
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 9, 2021 16:56:57 GMT
Leela’s form suddenly shifted and turned into Frobisher. He looked down in disgust at his frilly dress.
“This is b*******. Why did I have to wear a dress?”
He looked up to see Iris and Panda. The latter of whom raised an eyebrow. Frobisher adjusted his posture and stiffened.
“Iris. Panda.”
Panda smirked.
“Don’t you start.”
|
|
|
Post by fitzoliverj on May 9, 2021 17:11:01 GMT
"Oh, no, no, no, no," cried Nardole. "I can't cope with this. I've got the instructions here," he yelled, waving a piece of paper. "'Prepare defence'. 'Summon Strax'. 'No getting involved in big historical events.' 'Don't let me abandon you.' 'Don't get hit with contempt of court'. 'Don't let me eat pears'. 'No falling in love'."
"I don't remember writing that," the Doctor said. "Did you add that to then end? They always add that to the end," he confided in Clara.
"You haven't written it at all, yet," Nardole exclaimed. "I'm from the future, trying to sort out this mess. Where's Leela? Where's the Masters? Where's the other Doctor?"
"Where's my bloody apology?" Iris shouted.
"Where's the corkscrew?" asked Panda. The wedding party, none of whom he recognised, were clustering around the refreshment table and were clearly as keen as he was to partake.
"Patience, patience," the Doctor said, holding up his hands. "It's all under control. My other self has gone to sort out Henry Gordon Jago's little problem, and Professor Litefoot and Leela are with him. I know how to deal with the SHadow Procolomation and their nonsense. Hence Frobisher and his good offices."
"But they're supposed to be here!" Nardole protested. "Real people, not just some plastic penguin!"
"Oi!" Frobsiher was offended.
"Hear how the Doctor takes pride in his interference!" said another voice; angry, rhetorical. "Hear how he boasts! These are not the reactions of a responsible Time Lord!"
"We are all aware of that, Valeyard," called a second voice; superior, female. "What is the point you are trying to make?"
"These proceedings started as a mere Inquiry into the Doctor's companion's activities. I'm suggesting now it becomes a Trial, and if he is found guilty, I strongly suggest the termination of his life!"
"Hey, pal," the Doctor protested. "I'm not the one on charges here."
The Valeyard, standing the doorway to the courtroom - the Inquisitor visible at her dias behind him - glowered.
"Incidentally," the Doctor continued. "Congratulations." He nodded towards the Valeyard's hand.
A ring was materialising on it.
"Oh, no, no, no, no," cried Nardole again. "I *really* can't cope with this."
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 9, 2021 17:49:27 GMT
Having finally found a corkscrew, Panda popped open a bottle of wine and poured himself a glass. He was soon joined by a clearly exasperated Frobisher and without saying a word poured him a glass as well.
They clinked their glasses together and downed them in one go as they watched Nardole slowly have a breakdown.
|
|
|
Post by fitzoliverj on May 10, 2021 11:23:55 GMT
The trial began. Frobisher went in and sat in the public gallery, but Panda elected to remain in Hospitality with members of the wedding party till he was called as a witness. He was sitting with two ladies who had introduced themselves as Winnie (the chief bridesmaid, who was feeling a bit overwhelmed as bizarre aliens kept accosting her and demanding to know how she was related to the bride) and Trix (whose husband had been taken with the young Jago to hospital by the other Doctor, following an accident with a photographic tripod). They were showing him the wedding photos.
They weren't awfully good. Most of them were of a thumb.
"I told the Doctor not to make Fitz his best man," complained Trix, whom Panda noticed sported a secuirty tag round her ankle. "He always has such terrible luck. When the wedding photographer he booked turned out to be some weirdo stalker called Ash-something, and had to be thrown out, he offered to take over...."
The best photo, such as it was, of just the family and the bridesmaids, appeared to have been taken when everybody was looking away from the camera, except young Hal, in a page-boy's costume, who was looknig directly down the lens and sticking his tongue out. The Doctor's mother had her hands over her face; next to her, the Doctor's father looked uncomfortable with his own wife apparently speaking over him (Panda later heard that the comment had been a catty 'but Penny, nobody will be able to see your lovely eyes'). Their daugher, sulking, next to her great-niece Susan (much older) completed one side; on the other, Professor Litefoot had stepped in to give Clara away and Missy had demanded position as mother of the bride. The other bridesmaids, Melody and Norma-Jean, had gritted teeth and were twisting their bouquets in their hands.
There was an attempt at a photograph of a wider group; Panda spotted a lady in an academic gown apparently vomiting into her mortarboard; a middle-aged businesswoman in a bomber jacket was attempting to hold back her too-long-to-be-short hair. There were a selection of creatures that Panda didn't recognise, unless a penis in a cloak counted as recognition.
As the three of them examined the picture, another figure appeared to fade into view at the back.
"It's another one of you, Winnie," Trix observed. "I mean, another Clara."
This Clara looked somehow older, yet completely unaged. She was sporting a rather unpleasant skull-themed hat with fascinator (all right, it was a skull, with a bow on top) and appeared to only have one arm. The other arm had a distinctive numbering tattoo on its upper portion.
Panda tapped the photo. "I'm not sure, but I have a nasty feeling this is a problem."
|
|
|
Post by timegirl on May 10, 2021 12:01:52 GMT
“It’s time for my first dance.” 12 said and then to inquisitor’s, Nardole’s and the Valeyard’s horror the entire wedding party gathered in the court room.
12 and Clara floated into the center of the court room and began dancing to “Don’t stop Me Now” which was being sung by the hologram singer from the Orient Express. 12 ripped Clara’s long wedding dress train off revealing an even more glittery white mini dress underneath and throwing the train to Nardole who seemed none to pleased. 12 and Clara had some very impressive gravity defying dance moves that made the crowd go “ooo” and “ahh”. Then suddenly other incarnations of the Doctor all started coming into the court room all wanting to dance with their new wife, Clara.
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 10, 2021 16:57:37 GMT
Crouched low on a nearby asteroid outside the court was a figure, a blaster in his hand the reticules of which were fixed on the dancing couple.
From its earpiece a voice could be heard.
“Remember, forty million for them dead. Nothing for them alive. Do you understand? Dogbolter expects results” said the voice.
“UNDERSTOOD, YES?” replied the figure.
He took aim and with careful precision fired.
|
|
|
Post by timegirl on May 10, 2021 17:02:06 GMT
Luckily a force field appeared around the courtroom just in time!
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 10, 2021 17:19:13 GMT
Frobisher widened his eyes to enormous size and focused them like a pair of binoculars as he looked to where the blast originated from.
“Great. Death’s Head.” he groaned.
“Who?” enquired Panda as he swallowed an olive from the martini he was holding.
“Robotic bounty hunter. If he’s after Mr and Mrs Marital Bliss over there, then we’re really in trouble.” he answered. “Machines like him never stop until they’ve got their bounty.”
|
|
|
Post by fitzoliverj on May 10, 2021 17:39:44 GMT
Nobody else was paying a lot of attention to Death's Head - the Shadow Proclomation is famous for its forcefields - and anyway, the Doctor dance routine was difficult to ignore.
The Valeyard, however, had prudently chosen to shelter behind the Inquisitor's dias. "We're under fire, and they're all dancing? In a courtroom? These are not the actions of a responsible Time Lord!"
"We are all aware of that, Valeyard," the Inquisitor replied, also on the floor. "What is the point you are trying to make?"
"These proceedings started as a mere Inquiry into the Doctor's companion's activities. I'm suggesting now it becomes a Trial, and if he is found guilty, I strongly suggest the termination of his life!"
"Yes, you said that before," she replied archly.
"Oh, hang on!" cried the Doctor from across the room. Placing Clara on her feet, he strode over to the dias. "Sorry, I forgot about you. Good news, this hearing is over."
"Oh, and why?" the Inquisitor asked, not amused.
"Contempt of court!" demanded the Valeyard.
"Oh, be quiet, Boneyard," the Doctor said. "The hearing is over because the court is not quorate. You have no right of audience here, and without a prosecution no trial can proceed."
"What?" the Valeyard expostulated. "I am a bachelor of laws, and-"
"Oh, are you?" the Doctor grinned, pointing at the ring that had materialised on the Valeyard's finger.
"Well, Valeyard?" asked the Inquisitor.
"This is just a ring, it doesn't mean anything," teh Valeyard insisted, standing up (the firing seemed to have stopped) and placing both hands on his hips. "I've not got a wife... just because *he* has, doesn't mean-"
A shape was forming in the air next to him. Clara - the version from the photograph - was materialising at his side, her one arm entwined in his.
"Hallo," she said brightly, with a smile more full of evil than even the Doctor had even seen. "I'd shake hands, but... well, you know. I'm Grandmother Paradox."
|
|
|
Post by fitzoliverj on May 10, 2021 17:40:28 GMT
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, EVIL ME FROM THE FUTURE?! THIS IS MY WEDDING DAY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"
|
|
|
Post by grinch on May 10, 2021 17:59:25 GMT
The room shook as another blaster hit the forcefield.
“Quite persistent, is he?” remarked Panda.
“You have no idea” muttered Frobisher in response. “You just wait until he pulls out the big guns.”
He narrowed his eyes further.
“Too late.” he said as the room shook again and part of the ceiling collapsed.
|
|
|
Post by timegirl on May 10, 2021 18:05:40 GMT
“Quick everyone gather around me” 12 shouted dodging the falling ceiling. Everyone scrambled into the center of the courtroom as 12’s TARDIS materialized around them. “That was a close one!” 12 said relieved. Then the party continued. “May I have this dance?” The evil other Clara held out her hand to the Valeyard.
|
|
|
Post by fitzoliverj on May 10, 2021 18:06:11 GMT
Death's Head readied his aim, and -
"I don't think you ought to do that," a voice from behind said. He could feel something large in the small of his back.
Death's Head turned around to find himself face-to-face with Tuck, who was holding a particularly large lepton cannon. Behind her, Death's Head II stood, clutching a struggling Spratt in one hand, and holding Keepsake's Vulture by the talons in hte other. It was trying to bite him, but without much success.
"Sorry, D.H.," Tuck explained, "but we were hired as Security on this one."
Death's Head groaned. What happened when you were hired under one contract, only for your own future self to be hired under another contract and the two were inconsistent? "Conflict of interests, yes?"
|
|