when grown up ex-bullies try to apologise?

No an apology can never change what someone did but it is a step to recognising that what they did was wrong isn't it? If not why are they apologising? Sorry if you feel you can't accept an apology from a former bully mate. I guess it is different for everyone.

I was bullied horribly for developing breasts because of my weight. Endless taunts that i needed a bra. remarks that i should go to the school dance ball in a giant poofy dress or evening gown.


I also have a sister who sent me this in an email, with the caption "you and Mum":

That’s nasty.Usually such things happen here at engineering colleges, particularly in hostels.I was fortunate not to have to stay in one but I’ve heard friends relate such instances.

I've actually had this happen to me not too long back. A man, who I had completely forgotten about since graduating, popped right back into my life at a bus-stop in the rain. His whole manner had changed, he carried himself better, spoke more clearly, so I was pretty startled at the time because I don't think I quite recognised him at first. And then, after a bit of light chat, he apologised to me. Now, here was a man who had done his fair share of unpleasant things. I think he likely contributed to a case of PTSD that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. Oddly enough though, I wasn't thinking about any of the nasty little things he'd done. My mind went completely blank. So, as I listened, he told me what he'd been going through at home. The specifics are unimportant and, unfortunately, all too common. He didn't ask for forgiveness, nor do I think he expected any sort of catharsis. He just wanted me to know that he was sorry.

Forgiveness is a difficult word to wrangle. It has so many different shades of meaning to it. I don't think I pardoned him for what he did, but I can understand why it was done. That more than anything has contributed to a sense of, well, acceptance. It was perpetrated, it was awful and now it is over. If anything, I'm quietly glad that he's been able to rise above it and become self-aware because it means he won't harm anyone else. Moreover, he will likely try and stop it from happening to others. The alternative isn't wonderful. It's a dark, lonely corner dedicated to the suffering of others. A cold, empty existence. Better to wake up than stay asleep.

I don't think you have to forgive, I don't think you have to forget. But acceptance is important for your own wellness. Life thrives on acceptance. If an apology can help that, so be it. That old pain can be put to rest and no more thought about it. Nobody needs more personal demons in their lives. And you know... Without acceptance, places like DU where discussions like this can be aired, wouldn't exist. *shrug and sigh* It's important for the self, that's all I can say.