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Post by bonehead on Jan 25, 2022 9:17:54 GMT
I've suddenly developed insomnia. It's huge amounts of fun. For the last few nights, I've had about 2 hour's sleep per night. Tonight it looks like I won't sleep at all - I've got to get up for work in less than five hours. I can't think what's causing this - no stress or anxiety to speak of. Thanks for reading - back to lying in bed feeling progressively rough and agitated. Excellent. Been there. I once went through a patch where I had not slept for 6 weeks. NOT fun. Only resolved when I went to get medication and therapy (back then, I did not know what it was and how to handle it, so getting help and instructions was the best way).
Worst bit it, when you are aware that you NEED sleep and you stress yourself out trying to force yourself to calm down.... I know, this does not work and makes it worse.
Things that help me in these situations (in no particular order).
- progressive muscle relaxation (I have some tapes that walk you though the different muscle groups, I bet there are some available for free) - hot relaxing shower and/ or sauna in the evening - Yoga class in the evening - a certain ritual before going to bed. With me, it is listening to old audio plays that I know inside out. So I am not forced to listen, but can just have the old soothing familiar voices in the background - good sleep hygiene. This is very important. In my bedroom, no screens, mobile phones, ipads allowed. Except Kindle that does not light by itself. Reason- the light given off my mobile devices simulated daylight and tricks your epiphysis gland in producing less Melatonin (the sleep hormone). Yes, I know, hard thing to do, but I just stop using devices as soon as I want to go to bed and try to settle into my sleep routine.
- One thing that helped friends of mine (I have not tried it myself) getting yourself a weighted blanked. I think they are also called security blankets. Used for all kinds of mental issues. I know they are expensive, but they really seem to do the trick.
Wishing you all the best!
Thank you so much for this, my friend. I will certainly take note if your words! I'm at work now - five hours to go - and am surprisingly wide awake. I'm hoping this allows me to drift off tonight. I hope so, because insomnia is something I had not predicted. So we'll see!
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Post by Ela on Jan 26, 2022 18:56:12 GMT
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Post by Ela on Jan 30, 2022 20:50:13 GMT
A child in my granddaughter's preschool tested positive for Covid. Not in her class, but they combine the two classes for aftercare. My granddaughter's rapid test was negative, but the whole preschool has to stay home and quarantine. And there's a newborn sister. I'm going over now to help care for the older child while my daughter cares for her newborn, they're keeping the kids separate till they know for sure if the older child will test positive, My granddaughter's PCR test, as well as a rapid test, were both negative. School is closed for quarantine till the 25th. Another kid had a positive test, but it was discovered the same day as the first kid, so quarantine duration is not changed. The other grandma is coming into town to help out with the kids, as well as me being available. At least we no longer have to keep the kids separated to protect the infant. In other news, my grandson will be 5 next month. His mom texted today that he is scheduled for a 5-year check up and Covid vaccine. In the continuing saga, my granddaughter woke up with a fever yesterday morning and is positive for Covid on both rapid tests and PCR tests. I guess it was going to happen eventually with other kids in her class testing positive. No one else in the family is sick. In order to keep the infected kid and uninfected kid separate, my son-in-law has re-located with the Covid-positive daughter to the basement area of the house - which has my granddaughter's playroom full of toys, a full bathroom, and a bedroom area. My daughter is living in the upstairs area of the house with the infant. The goal being to hopefully keep the (obviously) unvaccinated infant from getting Covid. So far my granddaughter seems to have mild symptoms and everyone else in the family is negative for Covid. (Well, they can't rapid test the baby, but the baby shows no signs of illness.) Both parents are vaccinated and boosted, and my daughter is breastfeeding the infant, which will hopefully provide additional protection for the baby.
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shutupbanks
Castellan
There’s a horror movie called Alien? That’s really offensive. No wonder everyone keeps invading you.
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Post by shutupbanks on Jan 30, 2022 22:16:29 GMT
My granddaughter's PCR test, as well as a rapid test, were both negative. School is closed for quarantine till the 25th. Another kid had a positive test, but it was discovered the same day as the first kid, so quarantine duration is not changed. The other grandma is coming into town to help out with the kids, as well as me being available. At least we no longer have to keep the kids separated to protect the infant. In other news, my grandson will be 5 next month. His mom texted today that he is scheduled for a 5-year check up and Covid vaccine. In the continuing saga, my granddaughter woke up with a fever yesterday morning and is positive for Covid on both rapid tests and PCR tests. I guess it was going to happen eventually with other kids in her class testing positive. No one else in the family is sick. In order to keep the infected kid and uninfected kid separate, my son-in-law has re-located with the Covid-positive daughter to the basement area of the house - which has my granddaughter's playroom full of toys, a full bathroom, and a bedroom area. My daughter is living in the upstairs area of the house with the infant. The goal being to hopefully keep the (obviously) unvaccinated infant from getting Covid. So far my granddaughter seems to have mild symptoms and everyone else in the family is negative for Covid. (Well, they can't rapid test the baby, but the baby shows no signs of illness.) Both parents are vaccinated and boosted, and my daughter is breastfeeding the infant, which will hopefully provide additional protection for the baby. That sounds like a a nightmare, Ela.
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Post by Ela on Jan 30, 2022 23:31:40 GMT
In the continuing saga, my granddaughter woke up with a fever yesterday morning and is positive for Covid on both rapid tests and PCR tests. I guess it was going to happen eventually with other kids in her class testing positive. No one else in the family is sick. In order to keep the infected kid and uninfected kid separate, my son-in-law has re-located with the Covid-positive daughter to the basement area of the house - which has my granddaughter's playroom full of toys, a full bathroom, and a bedroom area. My daughter is living in the upstairs area of the house with the infant. The goal being to hopefully keep the (obviously) unvaccinated infant from getting Covid. So far my granddaughter seems to have mild symptoms and everyone else in the family is negative for Covid. (Well, they can't rapid test the baby, but the baby shows no signs of illness.) Both parents are vaccinated and boosted, and my daughter is breastfeeding the infant, which will hopefully provide additional protection for the baby. That sounds like a a nightmare, Ela. I'm sure it feels like one to my daughter and son-in-law. It was hard enough trying to keep the kids separated, each with one parent, when they only thought my older granddaughter had an exposure but was pretty sure she was not positive (which turned out to be true the last time). After that first time, my daughter remarked that she didn't want to have to do that ever again. Unfortunately she does have to.
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Post by grinch on Feb 1, 2022 17:33:37 GMT
I tell ya, the booster I got yesterday has really knocked me for six. Fever chills, headaches and I woke up in the middle of the night with my arm in utter agony. Maybe it was just sleep deprivation but it almost looked like it was thrashing at one point.
Personally, I’m just hoping this will pass tomorrow or thereabouts sometime next week.
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Post by tuigirl on Feb 1, 2022 19:25:30 GMT
I tell ya, the booster I got yesterday has really knocked me for six. Fever chills, headaches and I woke up in the middle of the night with my arm in utter agony. Maybe it was just sleep deprivation but it almost looked like it was thrashing at one point. Personally, I’m just hoping this will pass tomorrow or thereabouts sometime next week. Hang in there. I had been sick for 3 days.... but better than months with Long Covid.
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Post by grinch on Feb 1, 2022 19:53:25 GMT
I tell ya, the booster I got yesterday has really knocked me for six. Fever chills, headaches and I woke up in the middle of the night with my arm in utter agony. Maybe it was just sleep deprivation but it almost looked like it was thrashing at one point. Personally, I’m just hoping this will pass tomorrow or thereabouts sometime next week. Hang in there. I had been sick for 3 days.... but better than months with Long Covid.
Indeed. And it’s far, far better than the alternative.
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Post by aussiedoctorwhofan on Feb 3, 2022 22:59:56 GMT
Wife has this week off as annual leave as Junior started school this week (just in case he has a classic case of the melt downs which touch wood he hasn't at all ).. She is also stopping into work today as by law(?) all teachers have to do daily RAT testings on themselves . I immediately questioned if she has to pay for those contraptions she confirmed no. PHEW. There's some serious black market stuff going on here with those.
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Post by barnabaslives on Feb 7, 2022 15:33:46 GMT
I am so sorry to have what I know is going to be a very unpopular opinion, but I am seeing my state of the USA running yet another round of pro-vaxx propaganda so misleading it almost has to be deliberate. It gets easier every day to see how people become conspiracy theorists and Covid deniers. I am not a conspiracy theorist nor do I deny the reality of the Covid threat, but something is VERY wrong here. Re: for those concerned about Long Covid, I don't think these concerns are likely to be restricted to Covid, but may I refer you once again to the work of Sandeep Chakraborty? osf.io/usztn/""Metagenomic studies of Covid19 patient sequencing data from different countries (China, Brazil, Peru, Cambodia, USA) shows a pattern that SARS-Cov2 enables anaerobic bacteria (eg Prevotella, Veillonella, Capnocytophaga, Fusobacterium, Oribacterium and Bacteroides) to colonize the lungs, disrupting the homeostasis found in healthy patients. Long drawn symptoms in Covid19 have caused great consternation, and could be explained by persistence of biofilms... Enhanced pathogen testing kits, which include RT-PCT for bacterial genes and endotoxin tests, could confirm this disruption in Covid19, and thus anaerobic-specific antibiotics could significantly help in therapy."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2022 15:49:38 GMT
Felt very sick Saturday night. I had fish and chips and the fat probably didn’t agree with me. That’s weird considering I’ve never had that problem before. I feel much better, but I’ve been trying to take it easy with food.
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Post by tuigirl on Feb 7, 2022 23:42:43 GMT
I am so sorry to have what I know is going to be a very unpopular opinion, but I am seeing my state of the USA running yet another round of pro-vaxx propaganda so misleading it almost has to be deliberate. It gets easier every day to see how people become conspiracy theorists and Covid deniers. I am not a conspiracy theorist nor do I deny the reality of the Covid threat, but something is VERY wrong here. Re: for those concerned about Long Covid, I don't think these concerns are likely to be restricted to Covid, but may I refer you once again to the work of Sandeep Chakraborty? osf.io/usztn/""Metagenomic studies of Covid19 patient sequencing data from different countries (China, Brazil, Peru, Cambodia, USA) shows a pattern that SARS-Cov2 enables anaerobic bacteria (eg Prevotella, Veillonella, Capnocytophaga, Fusobacterium, Oribacterium and Bacteroides) to colonize the lungs, disrupting the homeostasis found in healthy patients. Long drawn symptoms in Covid19 have caused great consternation, and could be explained by persistence of biofilms... Enhanced pathogen testing kits, which include RT-PCT for bacterial genes and endotoxin tests, could confirm this disruption in Covid19, and thus anaerobic-specific antibiotics could significantly help in therapy." Not really sure what you try to tell us here?
The scientist in question appears to be not a doctor nor a biologist, but a physicist doing the micro-imaging. Great at taking pictures, the man.
As for viral diseases causing secondary bacterial infections.... what exactly is the news here? I talk about this to my clients every day on the phone. It is basically part of what happens in an infection. And yes, India was hard hit and had a large number of serious COVID complications by secondary infections
Also, yes, about 90% of all humans are infected with EBV. Yes? And EBV is very likely cause of many chronic illnesses.
Maybe I am missing something there.
Also, as a scientist: Always be a bit sceptical if the article published is
a) only by a single author (this is a hint that the guy is not part of a team but is publishing an opinion piece)
b) he is a physicist c) in any case I would wait for said opinion piece to be peer reviewed (fact checked)
I would not in any case recommend people swallow uncontrolled antibiotics just to make sure, because, well, believe it or not, but antibiotics are toxic (surprise! they kill bacteria!) and can cause more harm than good when used unwisely. Same recommendation also goes out for people thinking they can take de-wormer as a precaution (surprise! toxic! it kills worms....).
Seriously, this should go without saying. But these days, I know, people will believe anything, so I cannot stress the point enough.
Also, uncontrolled use of antibiotics has already caused a lot of damage and there is a growing number of resistant bacteria that kill on sight. Especially weakened people in hospitals.
I think the future will likely be strain specific vaccinations to combat bacterial infections. Antibiotics are on the way out and will go the way of the Dodo in the years to come.
My company recently started a new department looking at strain specific vaccinations and they are working on establishing their own "bacterial library" to know the enemy.
There is a way to combat resistant bacteria, and it is actually OLDER than antibiotics. Just that all the studies done were buried after the discovery of antibiotics (except by the East Block states, they continued the research, this is why our own people now have to dig through libraries in Kyrillic).
Anyways, the last paragraph is just an opinion piece and observation by me. Just because the new head of the shiny new department explained it to me 2 weeks ago and it made total sense to me.
EDIT: I hope I did not come across as too cynical and sarcastic. I am just very tired of arguing the same tired points with COVID deniers and I have too much of the whole COVID topic during my day job. I now strictly try to avoid this during my free time and I will not get into any arguments during my free time. Because in all the experience I made, it was a complete waste of my time and nerves.
And I am even more tired when scientists from completely different fields suddenly feel they can give medical advice. This is like me publishing a paper on astrophysics.
I have a PhD, yes, in Wildlife Health, but even I would be hesitant to hand out in depth human medical advice.
In any case, if I came across as an arrogant lady dog, it was not meant personal but just a sigh of total mental exhaustion and frustration, if anything.
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Post by barnabaslives on Feb 8, 2022 0:25:28 GMT
Thank you for the reply, tuigirl. You've touched on a lot of subjects but for now, yes, CERTAINLY this or any other effort to understand the origins and nature of symptoms is NOT meant to be a license to self-medicate!
FWIW its worth I do not take the matter on Chakraborty's authority alone, but a key question for me is what if he is right but no one ever talks about this? I would like to see real dialogues open about the matter.
Also FWIW, I meant it to say that MAYBE there is a REMOTE chance that Long Covid will not mean being cursed for life. I DO think at present that it may be one of the best leads we have.
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Post by tuigirl on Feb 8, 2022 0:57:11 GMT
Thank you for the reply, tuigirl. You've touched on a lot of subjects but for now, yes, CERTAINLY this or any other effort to understand the origins and nature of symptoms is NOT meant to be a license to self-medicate! FWIW its worth I do not take the matter on Chakraborty's authority alone, but a key question for me is what if he is right but no one ever talks about this? I would like to see real dialogues open about the matter. Also FWIW, I meant it to say that MAYBE there is a REMOTE chance that Long Covid will not mean being cursed for life. I DO think at present that it may be one of the best leads we have. Uhm.... this is being talked about a lot?
I am sorry, I just totally seem to miss the point you are trying to make. Just because this is not part of mainstream media, does not mean nobody talks about this? It is for example my daily bread and butter. But maybe I just take it for granted?
And Long COVID is just a name for a whole complex of symptoms. It is not one thing, it is a whole set of different somethings, just like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is. Bacterial inbalance is just one of very many ways it can express itself. It is always to be looked at an individual basis. It is complex. There is no silver bullet. Sorry to disappoint.
But yeah, well, for example it was also found out recently that many people suffering from depression actually had an inflammation process that started the whole thing. I am pretty sure we discussed at least that one before. But yeah, inflammation was gone, but the lasting effects, like the inbalances in neurotransmitters in the brain, remain for a chronic suffering.
This is being studied in very great detail.
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Post by barnabaslives on Feb 8, 2022 1:38:29 GMT
Once again the point I was trying to make is simply that MAYBE this perspective offers us a sliver of genuine hope.
Perhaps we are tripping over words here - certain Covid is being talked about but not this particular possibility that I am aware of.
Beyond that I think you tend to see bacterial imbalance as effect here; my experience encourages me to also try thinking of it as a possible CAUSE.
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Post by tuigirl on Feb 8, 2022 1:57:01 GMT
Once again the point I was trying to make is simply that MAYBE this perspective offers us a sliver of genuine hope. Perhaps we are tripping over words here - certain Covid is being talked about but not this particular possibility that I am aware of. Beyond that I think you tend to see bacterial imbalance as effect here; my experience encourages me to also try thinking of it as a possible CAUSE.True, true.
This is why I am so opposed to handing out uncontrolled antibiotics because they will just nuke your own bacterial defensive army.
We also advice our clients of my lab about the gut microbiome and it is a growing part of our department. The microbiome (gut, skin, reproductive tract) is a very important part of our body and many symptoms can come from an inbalance. This is widely known and accepted. Some forms of depression might even be connected to this. And you probably know that cutting the vagus nerve in some people can make these people resistant to Parkinsons Disease (since certain bacterial by-products will get transported via the nerve to the brain).
Of course cutting the nerve will cause a lot of other problems.
My lab is also cooperating on several papers that are in the works, including one on the connection of dog behaviour and the inbalance of the gut microbiome. Only just recently there were several papers on canine aggression and a possible connection. Exciting stuff.
So yeah, we are aware about this at my lab.
And yes, you and I can agree on that one.
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Post by Timelord007 on Feb 8, 2022 9:08:05 GMT
Sorry to post depressing news, I think I won my fight with covid, but it looks like it’s going to take my mums……. She has double pneumonia and not responding to treatment……..this is a long goodbye that’s very hard Today she has been rambling passing responsibilities over that we’re troubling her and funeral things and telling others she loves them. Along with a lot of nonsense, It’s been a hard day I’ve kissed her goodbye, knowing full well that there might not be a tomorrow for her….. Currently I am going through waves of emotion, from depression, acceptance, hope, tears and the why bother going on…….. Very hard dark days ahead for me… I have taken care of her for ten years now full time, but more like 25 while working……… She is my mum, child & best friend and took her in to live with me when she was failing after dad passed…… My life is going to be very different from now on for me…….and not sure if I can handle things short term……. And the guilt of me bringing covid too our door is something I am not sure I can cope with…….. But where there is life there is hope, and be strong I must for a little while longer. And to think I had a good diagnosis before Xmas, now this has shattered me…… Thanks everyone for being there for me, I know I have been a mardy pain to some and am sorry for that…but that’s me kind, bullish, stubborn, and me….., And to admin, thanks for letting us have a safe space to post….. You been a kind loyal son, you stepped up & looked after your mom that shows what a good kind hearted person you are, many sons or daughters wouldn't do what you've done & remember you had a loving happy relationship with your mom. Sadly same happened a year ago with my dad he died of pneumonia via covid & it changed me emotionally because while i spoke to him on the phone about our estranged past relationship & ii didn't get say things i wanted to say & felt covid robbed me of that. Just remember you didn't bring covid into your home on purpose as it out there & you sadly caught it, nobodys at fault it's just another kick in the teeth life throws at us. All i & others can do is off you support when needed, keep posting on here anytime need to vent, the emotions you experiencing are normal it been a year since my dad's passing & I'm nowhere near close processing it, i have feelings of sadness, confusion, anger everyday i feel he like many others was neglected as he was diabetic type 1 & to be told had they not cancelled his check ups he'd be still here brings out a rage in me i never knew exsisted. Remember even though it may feel your alone your not this forum supported & continues to support me & it will support you anytime you need it too. Sending you big hug of support & remember were all here for you. So sorry this happening to you & again very sorry for your loss.
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Post by Timelord007 on Feb 8, 2022 9:12:26 GMT
I've suddenly developed insomnia. It's huge amounts of fun. For the last few nights, I've had about 2 hour's sleep per night. Tonight it looks like I won't sleep at all - I've got to get up for work in less than five hours. I can't think what's causing this - no stress or anxiety to speak of. Thanks for reading - back to lying in bed feeling progressively rough and agitated. Excellent. Have you tried ASMR or mindfulness, i listen to both with headphones & find it helps. Insomnia awful i speak from experience.
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Post by Timelord007 on Feb 8, 2022 9:28:37 GMT
Well.... I've always been well aware that I have anxiety, social anxiety, some degree of depression, and I've always suspected ADD/ADHD. However, I also absorbed the central "toxic masculinity" thing: so I absorbed it and powered through. (Well... I suppose it depends on who you ask, huh). Social anxiety I attacked head-on. That's another story. And I really do think I mostly won. The remaining things to work on are little things, like this idiotic fear that explodes the moment I pick up a phone to call someone I don't know. I have to berate myself "it's just a court clerk. Their JOB is doing what you want. They don't bite. Nothing bad can happen. You know what you need." And that stops me for three minutes, or thirty (while I do something else). But I call. The more urgent, the quicker. Talking to strangers? Not a problem anymore. Walked right up and did it despite shaking enough times...I guess. Depression? Well, I've never thought of hurting myself. I really never wanted to have to take SSRIs/MAOIs unless it got closer to that point. ADD/ADHD: power through, again. I got through lawschool, I'd tell myself. Yeah, sleeping an average of 4-4.5h/night weekends included at first, and a bit more later. On the other hand, I was the only twit who did it exclusively on paper (this made me focus so I could record the necessary; everyone else banged away on their laptops in class). And I did wonderfully. I've been a lawyer. But the "but" is huge... It worked at first, with pain. It continued to work, with increasing pain. I found myself discounting hours spent so that it would be reasonable for another attorney. I just ate time and worked longer. If it takes me 45m to read a 10 page case because I keep rereading the same paragraph and maybe read one of the issuess (or two) I wasn't looking for before realizing it, well, scratch that time off the pad. Can't bill for that waste, at least in good conscience. But more and more often over the last decade+ I've found myself thinking " holy shit I needed to get this filed. HOW AM I NOT FURTHER ALONG!?.)" The work is hard and intricate, yes. But that's not a problem. It's literally just sitting down and doing it. Minute after minute. Hour after hour. So I researched around the web, first starting with sites I don't entirely trust, just for basics, like WebMD. Ok. Then I branched out. The NIH puts up a lot of studies, and others the abstract/conclusion says enough to push me to do what I am going to do: get the flaming **** over myself, stop thinking of it as defeat, stop worrying if they'll just say I'm a drug-seeker, and go to the doc. Tell them. Get tested.
The other concern, probably the bigger one, was this: what does decades of this stuff do to a person, even if they're following it to the letter and not trying to get high from medication? From what I gather, adderall is an amphetamine blend. Amphetamines! Let's say I opened up when I was 17 and got a subscription, then followed instructions religiously. What does that do by the time I'm 65 or 70, probably retiring? And what if our kinda psychotic government (US) changes its mind in some anti-pharma/anti-doc craze - GOP admin? - and prohibits the stuff being prescribed? What if I've relied on it for 20 years and then it's.....nope, no more. What happens? But I need to go in at this point; it's basically go or maybe I can't be an appellate criminal defense attorney who takes only appointed cases anymore.
It's not even just work. Tasks/plans that I want to do. We replaced our dining room table. Last one turned out to be this giant ikea desk that looked like a table. I want to replace one of my desks with that. All I have to do - ALL I HAVE TO DO - is take the necessary measurements, buy some new/replacement cabinets to put under it (I wanted that anyway), and DO IT. It's been there for a year. The list is endless. My rare very best work days involve 14h at the desk, maybe 6-7 legit billable. And as I went along through these sites I mentioned, I checked just about every single box. Even ones I didn't think had anything to do with ADD/ADHD. Every. ****ing. Box. (Well, minus maybe two). This one lists Hallowell and Ratey's criteria for diagnosis: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1479568/I'm not so sure about some, like addictive behavior. I was addicted to cigarettes 2000-2004, but I cold turkeyed that and didn't look back. Sure, I like some booze some nights. I like a little weed before bed. But I can just as easily _not_ for a month if I want. But, y'know, virtually all of them. Even self-esteem. My usual answer would be "nah, everyone else is the problem", but then I really have been beating myself up for the last few years about ability to work. It's just...draining away. So at 39, I need to get right the **** over myself, remind myself it isn't defeat and everyone fights strugglers, and just.....go. Guess what I've been procrastinating about. Guess. (And I'm also aware that tons of ADD/ADHD symptoms overlap with anxiety and depression, so I guess we'll see). And yes, aforementioned anxiety is also part of that procrastination. So there it is and I'm not bothering to do the usual twenty edits... I wish myself luck I suffer from bipolar, manic depression, insomnia, OCD & PTSD & while not quite the same as your diagnosis the mood swings of highs & crippling lows despite my medication can be at times overwhelming. My bipolar in past caused me self medicate to block out the voices in my head & i addictive personality & spending on amazon in the past to get temporary buzz, i suffer social anxiety & no longer go out exept see my cousins because i no longer wish to mix with people yet one time I'd be life soul of a party then go home cry into a pillow & suffer terrible downers, i lost trust & feel insecure being out my comfort zone. What i try is mindfulness techniques & ASMR there's hundreds on You Tube & they help calm me, the Tibetan singing bowls ones i find relaxing & of course Big Finish audio dramas. I know I'll never cure my condition but if i can suppress the affects for a few hours it's better than nothing.
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Post by muckypup on Feb 8, 2022 12:52:18 GMT
Sorry to post depressing news, I think I won my fight with covid, but it looks like it’s going to take my mums……. She has double pneumonia and not responding to treatment……..this is a long goodbye that’s very hard Today she has been rambling passing responsibilities over that we’re troubling her and funeral things and telling others she loves them. Along with a lot of nonsense, It’s been a hard day I’ve kissed her goodbye, knowing full well that there might not be a tomorrow for her….. Currently I am going through waves of emotion, from depression, acceptance, hope, tears and the why bother going on…….. Very hard dark days ahead for me… I have taken care of her for ten years now full time, but more like 25 while working……… She is my mum, child & best friend and took her in to live with me when she was failing after dad passed…… My life is going to be very different from now on for me…….and not sure if I can handle things short term……. And the guilt of me bringing covid too our door is something I am not sure I can cope with…….. But where there is life there is hope, and be strong I must for a little while longer. And to think I had a good diagnosis before Xmas, now this has shattered me…… Thanks everyone for being there for me, I know I have been a mardy pain to some and am sorry for that…but that’s me kind, bullish, stubborn, and me….., And to admin, thanks for letting us have a safe space to post….. You been a kind loyal son, you stepped up & looked after your mom that shows what a good kind hearted person you are, many sons or daughters wouldn't do what you've done & remember you had a loving happy relationship with your mom. Sadly same happened a year ago with my dad he died of pneumonia via covid & it changed me emotionally because while i spoke to him on the phone about our estranged past relationship & ii didn't get say things i wanted to say & felt covid robbed me of that. Just remember you didn't bring covid into your home on purpose as it out there & you sadly caught it, nobodys at fault it's just another kick in the teeth life throws at us. All i & others can do is off you support when needed, keep posting on here anytime need to vent, the emotions you experiencing are normal it been a year since my dad's passing & I'm nowhere near close processing it, i have feelings of sadness, confusion, anger everyday i feel he like many others was neglected as he was diabetic type 1 & to be told had they not cancelled his check ups he'd be still here brings out a rage in me i never knew exsisted. Remember even though it may feel your alone your not this forum supported & continues to support me & it will support you anytime you need it too. Sending you big hug of support & remember were all here for you. So sorry this happening to you & again very sorry for your loss. Thanks for your kind words…… I am afraid life is very dark at the moment…… to anyone else reading this……DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR LIFE TO LOOK AFTER OTHERS in the uk, there is zero help from the moment they pass……no money, no help and the fees for her death will mean I will have to sell the house. it’s just awful, for me……. It’s the worst, I wish covid had taken me too…….
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