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Post by Ela on Dec 4, 2016 5:40:27 GMT
I have a lot of questions there. What if a woman wants to be the one to provide and a man wants to be the one to raise the kids? Or what if both parents want to work together to provide and to raise the kids? Or, if you "won't allow" your wife to work, does that mena that you are the boss of your marriage? What would you do if she really wanted to be the provider, or if she was able to earn a lot more money than you? As a life long Christian I can safely say that I have never been part of a church that believes that women can't hold a job and must stay home to raise the family. I can honestly say that even when I was attending a strong conservative church (where women were not allowed to hold ministry positions) they had no issues with women having jobs. Not once in my life have I heard someone claim it isn't Biblical for a woman to hold a job. The application of Old Testament teaching to New testament principles is poor theology at best. The death and resurrection of Jesus had the end result of fulfilling the Old Testament law, to continue applying it renders the crucifixion null.
That is the last I will say of a religious nature in this thread.
Personally I don't feel this forum is the place for religious discussion - private messages are fine for such talk, but religion as with politics more often than not leads to argument, not peaceful debate and none of us wants this board to become a place where people do not feel welcome. (I say this as a generalization, not a statement directed towards anyone.)
Just want to point out, if you look a few posts up from your post that is quoted here, that ulyessesarcher's applicable Bible quote is New Testament, not Old Testament. The Old Testament quote doesn't say per se that men are the boss of the marriage or that the woman can't work. It's just elaborating on the consequences of having eaten of the Tree of Life. And Jews, who follow what Christians call the "old" testament (but not the new testament), don't believe that women can't have a say in their marriages and that they can't work. Just want to set the record straight.
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Post by Ela on Dec 4, 2016 5:55:29 GMT
My name is Thomas Hurley, I have 4 kids, and 3 grandkids. I pray every night for that family, that family that shrunk 4 weeks ago today. Up until then, I had 4 grandkids, we lost our oldest and only grandson Jayden, 4 weeks ago today. Jayden Cody Bell was 5 years old, and in Kindergarten at Hal Henard in Greeneville. He passed away, suddenly, 4 weeks ago, today. Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing for you and your family to have to go through. Sending condolences to you and your entire family.
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Post by Timelord007 on Dec 4, 2016 9:06:31 GMT
Sending my love & condolences to you & your family, in time the good memories you shared with your grandson will help you through those bad days.
Life can be so cruel at times, remember we may sometimes disagree but this forum is a strong supportive community so never feel your alone were here to offer support.
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Post by kimalysong on Dec 4, 2016 11:17:31 GMT
I am so deeply sorry for your loss Ulysses. I really hope you get the answers you seek soon. My thoughts are with you and your family. No one should have to endure the loss of an innocent child.
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Post by elkawho on Dec 4, 2016 17:35:07 GMT
ulyssessarcher I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I have two boys and over a dozen nieces and nephews and I can't imagine being in your place. I know you don't know me, but my condolences to you and your family. Truly.
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Post by ulyssessarcher on Dec 4, 2016 18:07:37 GMT
Yesterday was rough. Every Saturday is gonna be rough, Christmas is gonna be rough. We are taking the 3 grand daughters to Bristol Motor Speedway this weekend to see the Christmas lights. My wife says, we don't put off anything anymore.
At least I get to go to work today, and listen to, well, I'm taking the second war doctor volume, All consuming fire, theatre of war, the memory bank, and tales from the vault. ill start with war doctor and should be on the bonus disc by the time I hit Roanoke.
It's raining here today, I like the rain, it makes the world feel blue.
I would much rather argue about politics, than sit around in my despair. I wouldn't wish this misery on anyone. Well, lets go to work and get out of this house. One day at a time right, but wow, some days are sure a lot longer than others.
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Post by whiskeybrewer on Dec 5, 2016 12:25:34 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss. No one should ever have to go through it.
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Post by mrperson on Dec 5, 2016 17:21:53 GMT
Exactly, like why did the War Chief change his name to The Master mwahahahahahahahaha War Chief was never a name. It was a profession. Obviously the Master wanted to keep things professional in the work place. Its the same reason that nobody referred to the War Lord as Davros. But, to my great disgust, someone did refer to Davros as "the Dark Lord of Skaro".......in an actual episode. /vomits
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Post by mrperson on Dec 5, 2016 17:26:59 GMT
And by this hangs at best a fundamental misunderstanding or at worst a disingenuous undermining of what "black lives matter" really stands for. Of course all lives matter, The Black Lives Matter movement is not attempting to make Black lives more important that other peoples lives, they are attempting to get equality. they are attempting to address the racial profiling and bias so heavily present in the US justice system. Indeed. One of the many disgusting aspects of late political discourse is the disengenous (because what else could it be?) pretense that if you say "X matters", there is some kind of necessary implicit caveat "and non-X does not matter." No. That's just not how English works. I don't see how anyone can take an honest look at what the overall message of BLM is* and conclude that when they chose the slogan "black lives matter", they meant "(ONLY) black lives matter". The message was simple: the police need to treat everyone just like they treat a middle class white person, and treat everyone better any way. *And, this "honest look" includes not pretending that criminals who merged with protestors and used it as a cover to commit vandalism, etc, somehow represent the movement in its entirety.
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Post by icecreamdf on Dec 5, 2016 17:27:23 GMT
War Chief was never a name. It was a profession. Obviously the Master wanted to keep things professional in the work place. Its the same reason that nobody referred to the War Lord as Davros. But, to my great disgust, someone did refer to Davros as "the Dark Lord of Skaro".......in an actual episode. /vomits Well, that's as good a description of him as any.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2016 18:31:42 GMT
But, to my great disgust, someone did refer to Davros as "the Dark Lord of Skaro".......in an actual episode. Well, that's as good a description of him as any. Nooooooooooooo !
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2016 23:55:39 GMT
4 weeks ago today. Some folks will basically consider that a month. Though in reality, it will be a month on the 5th. Still it's been the longest 4 weeks of my life. I have to apologize to everyone, for I have just been trying to distract myself, anyway I can for the last 4 weeks. I have been buying BF cd's like they were all limited editions, I have been watching X-files, Big Bang, the Middle, and series 9 on dvd, while staying away from Tom Baker, both on audio, and on dvd. All because of 4 weeks ago today. I have put off deciding what should be done with the presents, already bought, out in the garage. And thankfully have been back to work for the last 3 weeks, and that has provided me some much needed relief and distraction. I want to thank everyone on here, for helping me to cope with what has been the hardest time in my life. Even though you didn't know you were helping, you see, I cant have folks trying to be themselves while feeling sympathy, and I don't really go for sympathy in my life. Folks always say, 'if you need anything', or 'if there's anything I can do', well, you folks helped more than the folks who told me things like that for the last 4 weeks. I sure hope I didn't offend anyone, I was just speaking my peace, and telling you what I think, and trying to learn and mostly, trying to be distracted while I am here, at home. For everywhere I look, I cant escape what happened 4 weeks ago, today. I cant go downstairs, I cant go to the garage, I cant go in the front yard, for any amount of time, for the swingset, that we just got up this summer, is out there. I have been trying to avoid going insane, and yall helped me with that, more than you will ever know, and I sure do appreciate that, you helped distract me, without really insulting, or getting angry(least I hope no one got angry), or name calling, or any really negative stuff going on...It was unfair of me, and for that I apologize. I really do. But the time I needed, will probably never end, and yall helped me pass some of the hardest of it. My name is Thomas Hurley, I have 4 kids, and 3 grandkids. I pray every night for that family, that family that shrunk 4 weeks ago today. Up until then, I had 4 grandkids, we lost our oldest and only grandson Jayden, 4 weeks ago today. For the entire week following that, I would sit outside, at the swingset, smoking cigarettes and pushing an empty swing. I was so miserable, I was ready to die, and I was wishing I would. But life had to go on, and it wouldn't have been fair to everyone else in my life just to lay down and die, I had to get up and get busy, and I had to try to get distracted from it. I had to try to find a few minutes everyday not to think about what happened 4 weeks ago today. I had written a huge post about Jayden Cody Bell, but I never could bring myself to post it, it was more for my benefit I think, than for anything else. I sure do miss him, It hurts me to know that his little sister will not even remember him, she turned 7 months old, yesterday. We don't know what happened. They tell me it could be up to 90 days, before they get the full results of the autopsy. And the detective told me he once had one that was held up for over a year. The not knowing, is hard, not knowing what happened to him, how he could go from no fever at 630 to a temperature of over 107 by 930. I do blame myself, and I have and I always will, you see, I knew that we, me and my wife, were the only chance the boy ever had to make it in this world, because his parents were divorced, and they only used Jayden as a pawn in their hatred of each other. I let him down, and ill always feel like I let him down. But, now at least, I don't want to kill myself anymore, I cant say I'm looking forward to life, but I don't really want to die anymore, so that's a good thing I guess. Baseball season will start in Spring, and that will be hard for me, because he loved watching baseball with me, and going to games in Greeneville. I haven't watched Tom Baker because I had just introduced Jayden to the 4th doctor, and we had watched Seeds of Doom, and Hand of fear, and had planned to watch another one 4 weeks ago, today. I know it's time to move on, and I think I have started, Me and my wife went and got a small tree today, to put of for Christmas, and we hung up the stockings, including Jayden's, it's an ewok stocking from Star Wars, he picked it out last year. Life is hard, and sometimes it kicks you hard, and you never see it coming. Ive had to go to Gonalier where we took Jayden the day before, 4 weeks ago, today, we had to go to Ingles, the local supermarket, where Jayden went with us the same day. Ive had to try to do the things I have gotten used to doing with Jayden, and some of the hardest things I wont do till spring, cause I will have to mow the yard, and he loved riding the mower with me. Anyway, if you have kids, give em an extra kiss tonight. If you have grandkids, do the same. We are not promised the next breath, much less tomorrow, Jayden Cody Bell was 5 years old, and in Kindergarten at Hal Henard in Greeneville. He passed away, suddenly, 4 weeks ago, today.
God, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Post by ulyssessarcher on Dec 7, 2016 8:53:54 GMT
Hope, listened to Dark Eyes today/tonight, McGann said doctor who was all about hope.
May I speak my mind? That's as good a title as any for a thread about whats on your mind.
I was 10 when one of my best friends died, my first real experience with death, Joy was her name, I was a paul bearer. And I found God that day. Cause the preacher talked about hope.
Hope that one day we get to see Joy again. I remember him saying that. The hope that we place in Jesus seems foolish to many. Seems to make others think that we are delusional. But, that hope, helps us to go on. And whats so wrong with it? If we follow the example that Jesus sat forth, there are many others we could be following that teach hate, and bigotry, or just to put ourselves ahead of our fellow man. But, I digress.
When Jayden died, I was mad at God, I still don't understand why. Ill never understand why. But, I know that God doesn't run the whole show. Not in a long time and not for a time yet to come. I know who runs this world, and I believe in him too. I know though, that only God gets to decide who lives and dies. So, I still want an answer from Him about that, and I expect an answer. Every prayer ive ever prayed has been answered, I don't like all the answers, but then, I aint god.
I do have hope. hope one day ill get to see Jayden again. Hope that one day ill get to meet 2 granddaughters who were miscarried.
Theres an old saying, there are no athiests in foxholes. that always meant, to me, that someone was scared to lose their life, so they would pray to God to keep them safe, while others might pray to keep their family safe. Cause, I'm not scared of dying, just the wondering of what would life be without me for my family. I think that may be most people's greatest fear of dying. Not knowing what becomes of those we love. But, ive never been as prepared for death as I am now. I'm not looking for it, but I'm not running away from it either.
Every day hurts worst than the last, and I'm reminded of something I read in The Green Mile. To paraphrase, we all have to walk that green mile, but why does it have to be so long?
If it wasn't for my faith, I would have killed myself sometime over the last month. Hope keeps me alive. And I love doctor who, because he preaches hope. That's all were left with, and like 8 said, it hurts, cause that hope can be destroyed, and it sure is hard to get back.
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Post by elkawho on Dec 8, 2016 3:03:04 GMT
ulyssessarcher, that was beautiful. I'm glad you found hope, because it is what keeps us going. I truly hope that the BF folks have seen this post. This is what Doctor Who is about. This is why it has affected and continues to affect so many people all over the world. Because underneath all the special effects (good or bad), silly costumes, amazing acting and wonderful writing, it is an ongoing story of a man who's business is hope. I hope that you and your family can find a way to heal that wound, just a little because it will never be truly healed. I'm so glad that this place can make this just a little bit easier for you.
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Post by ulyssessarcher on Jan 15, 2017 0:27:36 GMT
Back in May of 2010 I fell of my trucks catwalk and woke up in the helicpter. I had a traumatic brain injury.
This has left me with ptsd and very little impulse control. I worked hard to regain my vision and be diagnosed as healthy enough to return to work. That took nearly 2 years.
My memory function is comparable to Mel's though not as good as Zoes.
My ability to control myself is in question. The first thing my shrink asks me every month is how is your control doing.
I ask what May look like simple questions that everyone should know the answer to but I really don't know.
I can remember people n places n dang near everything I've ever done. But I have no idea what I said just this morning.
It's like half of my brain works to good while the other half doesn't work at all.
Example: I can remember Christmas at my grandmothers in 1995, I can remember everyone who was there, what they were driving, even what they were wearing, but I cant remember what was on the table, I cant remember the conversation.
I know I'm being rude to some, maybe to everyone, but I really don't know why, or what I can do to correct what I write, without yall telling me what I'm saying that is wrong.
Just telling me that I'm rude, or nasty etc. doesn't help me to figure out what is rude or nasty about it. I need yall to point that out to me.
I am going to try to start inserting smiley faces, a great suggestion by someone on here, so maybe yall can sort of figure out when I'm trying to be sarcastic or funny.
I'm not mentally challenged, I don't think, but if anything, my brain works overtime. I'm a great problem solver, if I have a problem to work on, I can keep my brain occupied. And one of the benefits is that I cant remember doctor who stories for more than a few days, so I can listen to many of them time and again, and have very little recognition of the story.(Thank God for the **** ******, helps me to figure out the best ones to listen too over again.)
I told yall in the past, this thread if for you to get to know me. I know I come off as not a nice person most of the time, and I'm working on that. A few on here have been very helpful, and most very understanding. I appreciate that.
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Post by ulyssessarcher on Jan 17, 2017 7:58:15 GMT
Got the results from Jayden's autopsy.
In this country, you have to have a license to hunt, fish, drive, and even get married. But for some reason, there is no license needed for having a child, no special class you have to take, if you get married now a days, you have to take a class, but there is absolutely nothing to stop anyone from having a child. It doesn't matter if it's a convicted child molester, a convicted rapist, a man with 200 wives, or anyone else, no one needs a license to have a child. No education is needed. No nothing, any idiot can have a child.
In Jayden's case, 2 idiots did.
Jayden died of strep. If he would have gotten proper medical care, he would have lived. His mother told us he had gone to the doctor that very week, we haven't been able to confirm that with his doctor, but the detective will find out.
Jayden's father is a lazy idiot, who just didn't care. I begged him to take Jayden to the hospital, and he just said to call his mother. His mother wouldn't go. He was not my daughters legitimate son, her step son, and she had no rights to him, and she had tried to take him to the hospital a few months earlier, and was told they couldn't treat him, she called Jayden's mother, and she thought he would be fine, so she couldn't take him, and we couldn't take him, his parents had to take him.
Put 2 idiots together, let em have sex, and 6 years or so later, they can bury a child. No license required.
Jayden will always be my grandson, even though I only knew him for 18 months. I am going to see this thru. I'm going to try like hell to show just how the courts helped to kill Jayden, just as much as his parents did. There was no overseer, no one checking on Jayden, Jayden was just an item, used by his parents to try to hurt each other.
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Post by ulyssessarcher on Jan 17, 2017 9:32:28 GMT
It's been almost 12 weeks, and the days aren't getting any easier, if anything, they are getting harder.
Everyday I wake up more depressed than the day before. Everyday, I sit and look at that empty swingset.
The Sunday before Jayden passed, he sang in church, I had to work, but he and another child sang Jesus loves me. My dad told me at the funeral home, Jesus must have heard him singing and wanted him to sing up there. His Sunday school teacher taped him singing, and I cant bring myself to watch it. I'm barely holding it together as it is.
I eat more and more, I sleep less and less, and I'm fighting like hell to retain my sanity. There are so many things I could have done differently and things would have changed, and that's driving me insane.
Every morning on the way home, I just cry. hell, I'm cryin now. No one should have to endure this much grief. No one should have to slowly lose their mind. No one should have to go thru all these emotions day after day. Anger, grief, sadness, loneliness, and despair.
And still, I maintain my faith, though, like Job, I wonder if it would be better had I never been born.
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Post by whiskeybrewer on Jan 17, 2017 12:34:00 GMT
Oh god man. I am so sorry. No one should ever have to bury their child or grandchild. I do hope that the father and mother get brought up on some sort of charge as that cant go unpunished. Im sorry for you, your wife and your daughter.
I know the loss i feel at this time is nothing compared to what you have and even though i dont have the faith that you have, i tell you this. Grip it like a vice, hold it tight with your family, let you all feel what strength you can flow from it and be sure that when the time comes Jayden will be singing for you when you join him
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Post by Timelord007 on Jan 17, 2017 16:04:10 GMT
It's been almost 12 weeks, and the days aren't getting any easier, if anything, they are getting harder. Everyday I wake up more depressed than the day before. Everyday, I sit and look at that empty swingset. The Sunday before Jayden passed, he sang in church, I had to work, but he and another child sang Jesus loves me. My dad told me at the funeral home, Jesus must have heard him singing and wanted him to sing up there. His Sunday school teacher taped him singing, and I cant bring myself to watch it. I'm barely holding it together as it is. I eat more and more, I sleep less and less, and I'm fighting like hell to retain my sanity. There are so many things I could have done differently and things would have changed, and that's driving me insane. Every morning on the way home, I just cry. hell, I'm cryin now. No one should have to endure this much grief. No one should have to slowly lose their mind. No one should have to go thru all these emotions day after day. Anger, grief, sadness, loneliness, and despair. And still, I maintain my faith, though, like Job, I wonder if it would be better had I never been born. There's nothing one can say or do to ease a persons grief, there's no time limit or self help book it's a personal thing that is different for every individual & again I'm sorry for your loss, i have a 15 yr old niece who i love like she was my own daughter & to think of her not being here would destroy me. All i can say is don't dwell on the "What ifs" concentrate on what you can do now, the past is the past & sadly nothing can be changed, maybe a support group might help or one to one counselling as talking to someone neutral has helped me in therapy over the years, possibly start up a charity in Jaydens memory, your grandson wouldn't want you pushing that self destruct button he'd want you to find a way back. Take things one step at a time & most importantly keep talking.
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Post by Audio Watchdog on Jan 17, 2017 20:56:57 GMT
Ulyssess, you & I have nothing common except we lost people close to us last year. You can take this for what its worth but if looking at the swing set brings you to tears, take it town. You might very well find the action to be cathartic. Make dealing with your grief a physical action and you might find it a little easier to get a handle on.
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